being with her is already a gift in itself. there is nothing more needed to make that gift better.
Today was a terrible day. And it was all my fault. Looking back at it, i feel so totally stupid and ashamed of myself. i was pigheaded, selfish and totally a ninny (in her words). i wish i didn't do it to spoil her day. i wasn't understanding at all, was totally childish and myopic.
if i were to lose her it would be all my fault. people say that a woman leaves a man because he isn't understanding at all times. i'm so fearful that i'll lose her because i wasn't understanding enough. she really loves me. but i was just so silly. gosh, i really disdain myself. if only there was something i could do to make it all better..
well, now i'm more resolved to love her more fiercely and devotedly. and at the same time, understand her more and do my very best not to be so daomei. i'm still learning but i definitely won't forget today's lesson.
Darling, i'm sorry. please try to forgive me. if you don't wanna its ok, i probably don't deserve it anyway. i'm so ashamed of myself.
bury me somebody.
wait.
that will be cowardly. the best thing to do, is to not make the same mistake again. and always always put her before me.
i want to be her hero. everyday.
It's impossible, tell the sun to leave the sky, it's just impossible
It's impossible, ask a baby not to cry, it's just impossible
Can I hold you closer to me and not feel you goin' through me?
Split the second that I never think of you? Oh, how impossible
Can the ocean keep from rushin' to the shore? It's just impossible
If I had you, could I ever want for more? It's just impossible
And tomorrow, shouldya ask me for the world, somehow I'd get it
I would sell my very soul and not regret it
For to live without your love--It's just impossible
Can the ocean keep from rushin' to the shore? It's just impossible
If I had you, could I ever want for more? It's just impossible
And tomorrow, shouldya ask me for the world, somehow I'd get it
I would sell my very soul and not regret it
For to live without your love--It's just impossible
Impossible, immmmmm-impossible
The first thing i said this year- i love you darling. you are so beautiful.
The first thing i did this new year- kiss her.
The first thing we did together this new year- count the stars.
I'll always love her even though it may be a tad harder this year. But I'll persevere. And i know it'll be worth it.
Because she doesn't try to be someone she's not. Instead everyday she does her best to be herself and does it really well.
That's why she's beautiful.
And here i am again. preparing for another semester. stressing over the bidding and the timetable and whatever those modules entail that will threaten to push me over again. its just so sickening that the whole cycle has to repeat itself and make me fearful again of whatever workload there is to come. and its just when i begin to stand on my own feet. Uni really is hard stuff. and its only gonna get worst. no wonder they used to look up to graduates so much.
well i guess that all i can do now is not only to stick to God once more, but also to rely on him more. cos the mods for this upcoming semester are all meant for higher levels. but hey, reading Isaiah 41:10 from darling's blog makes every problem fade away. i have left the modules to God. everything is now in his hands.
For You know better than I.
"The will is stronger than the spell"
Lord, i never really understood what that meant. Until now. Your will for me is stronger than any spell that Satan can weave over me. Your will for me to love you binds me close to you so that in the end, i am still Yours. Even though i may have strayed or fallen down, you will still pull me back. Just as you have done today when i asked you for help. And you replied so quickly. You seized me back into your arms as you welcome me back, your son, into your love and presence. Thank you for providing that timely help and rescue.
The first semester passed. And it did not pass like how it would have passed for others. It passed with you guiding me through, carrying me, making sure i would not drown. i passed through smoothly because of You. I would not worry about my exams or any other things that may come later since it is all in Your hands. Nietchze came and challenged you. But he failed. i can look back and say that i had a good semester. But good is not enough. i want better. so the second semester i give to you, to make it better. i have seen that giving it to You wasn't a bad decision after all. i am now convinced that the next one should go to you too. And the others that will follow.
Truly you are God. There can be no other. Thank You so much.